Okay so I know I have been doing a lot of honest calling myself out lately, and there's a group of you, that I will now call my cheerleaders, who are worried that I'm not taking the time to reflect on the goodness I possess; while I find these areas of growth. So today, i'll blog on some strengths to assure you I am really quite good at giving myself praise. Truth is, I really wasn't good at looking at the shadows.
So, I will acknowledge that my job is one of the hardest in the world; it's devastating, exhausting, draining, challenging, and ever changing. The silver lining is that my paycheck is in form of kisses, snuggles, boopy surprises, and all around LOVE. I talk about Steve and I fighting, because I truly believe if we all would talk about the dark places, and actually face them and work them out, everyone can have a bond like Steve and I. What I don't talk about often on here is how much I love him, and how wonderful most of our days are, our team work, and connection; and I think the reason I do that is because we SHOW that more than talk about it.
One of the things I did when first stepping into this role was a little ceremony with myself where I asked God to help me learn and grow and become the best version of me during this. I had no idea what that would mean! Growth like this, that I wanted for my life, was something that couldn't come without facing challenges. Well, I knew I would be facing a lot of challenges beside Steve, and I wanted it to help me. Then I had the same ceremony with Steve. We set intentions for our bond to grow, our connection, love, understanding, strength...
Obviously, I will say, that making that choice, and being an active participant in this life, has served me (us) well. I am happy with who I am as person today. The reason I write about the dark stuff, is because in order to really become happy with who you are, you have to really accept all sides of you. Now that I see the dark I am also able to actively working on bringing them more to the light side. I do like to acknowledge my growth and strides I make, and I don't always share with others, unless you're in my immediate circle. So yes, here it is in writing, I know I am blessing Steve's life with being here for him everyday and all that goes with it. I know that I am growing and learning and changing, and making positive impacts. I'm so grateful for it!
The important side in that is that Steve's blessing my life equally. We are equals in this journey and if I will give myself some accolades he deserves them too. He equally wanted to grow and become stronger with this, if his mind wasn't the amazingly powerful machine that it is today, he wouldn't be able to do all he has to. Steve's list of ALS induced complications are too long to list here, but through it all he still remains the humble, sweet, loving, funny, strong, warrior he is. His energy is so limited today but he will still find time to chat with his other pALS needing Steve's encouragement, and still find ways to share this journey with you all, and shower me with love.
So yes I've grown, and I'm truly pleased with where I am. I will always have work to do, because I'm human; but most importantly I would like to thank Steve for growing with me. That's why we have made it where we are. We did it together. It's a beautiful journey and for those of you who might be afraid of facing a challenge with a loved one, don't let fear lead. It will be hard but if you go at this together with love, you both will be amazed with what life has to offer you.
Thank you all for reminding me to share with you, that yes I am light. For the record for y'all, so ARE YOU. xox