Friday, May 15, 2015

Different kinds of smiles.

One of the things we hear the most, that make our hearts swell, is that we inspire someone with our choice to face life with a positive attitude.  We put a lot of thought into our lives & how we live them.  It's encouraging when we hear the love and support from you all and it keeps us fueled.  Reminds us why we choose happy even on the darkest of days.  

Here's the truth about life and us.  We do try to choose everyday to be happy.  We believe it's a choice, and we make it every mornings as we are saying our gratitude's while I do Steve's hour morning routine.  It's a slow paced routine as Steve is an adorable sleepy bear and takes a while to get going.  

Some days that idea, of choosing happy, is hard.   Some days life is kicking our ass so much and our over active brains take over, but we still try, even if that means we have to choose it over and over and try to change the day for the positive.  Some days we take lots of photos and share our lives with you----because we are asking for your light to shine in on our darkness.  

You see us when we are drowning but trying to break through with a smile AND you see us when we are shining. We of course share both because like the Eb & Flow of life, you will experience waves, and you have to do whatever you possibly can to stay grounded on that boat. We are so very blessed so even on our grumpiest discouraging days we still remain thankful, that we are so loved & supported, & most importantly that we have each other.

So this month everyday Steve has had a dripping nose.  He's so strong physically and mentally that he makes an effort and choice to remain positive and driven despite.  Image having to have your nose wiped every 20 minutes, to have your nose plugged, to the plugs being forced out by so much drainage, etc, all while not being able to move.  

Steve still wants us to live "our normal" which means, we wake up early in the morning, do our routines, working during the day on our various projects, and enjoy the evenings together while reflecting on all we accomplished that day.  

Some see Steve, and see him as a man just laying in bed all day, bored, weak and suffering.  I'm here to tell you that even on his bad days that's not any where near accurate. 

Steve has his beautiful genuine smile on to greet the day, he says his 5 thankfuls every morning even if it is through tears, he then asks about my day and nudges me to make sure I take some time for myself today, we talk strategy for his day with his stocks, and he then watches stocks, reads the paper, emails with his loved ones, facebooks, interacts with me the 387867 times I'm in and out of the room, we share laughs multiples times a day, share each others accomplishments, I come show him every painting/mala/new yoga pose, and he tells me about his trades he has done.  We then shut down from the busy of the day to curling up to a movie, documentary, show, etc.   

But some days there needs to be a few hours of naps because he's not feeling well, some days we need some extra cuddles because we may be hurting emotionally or physically, and to be frank some days we are just plain old sick of seeing each other so we try to take our own space.  

We plan to always be open about our lives because we truly hope that we can help others create brighter and more positive lives.  We also, some times take our own space, shut down a little, and when we let you in on those days, please know we want you to share your light with us. If even just a little.

Love & light. 

Saturday, May 2, 2015


So I have to say I try to be completely authentic with y'all and sometimes my insecurities get in the way, and I don't share certain things or worry about what people will think.  I used to actually think, "Ha, I don't have any insecurities."  For real, I was that girl.  However, through the past 4 years I have really gotten to know myself & I can see all of my insecurities.  

It's a beautiful thing but a little dreadful.  Because now you have to face these head on if you want to change them.  How daunting right?  So little by little, I have been asking in my meditations to improve in certain areas.  Starting from. 'more patience' to 'not allowing others energy to influence mine.'

Of course, I had to come to the understanding and acceptance that, when asking the universe to help you change something you will then be faced with some hellish things to teach you the lessons you NEED in order to reach that goal.  

So what makes you want to even deal with them, right? 

NO! Not right.

When you reach the point where you start noticing the things as lessons and see yourself not allowing them to trigger you the breakthroughs happen.  Each breakthrough peels another layer of yourself helping you reach your true self.

Because in the end you need to feel peace with yourself, love yourself, be happy with yourself to be happy with ANYTHING else in this world.  So I am taking today to be thankful for some of the frustrations in life and even more so gratitude for some of the beauty life has offered lately.

Because with every eb & flow, the dark seems daunting but at the end of that tunnel awaits you a beautiful beautiful light that heals and empowers you.   Because life is meant to be that beautiful.  

Thank you to everyone for the past 2 days and the beauty, joy, & love you have brought into our lives. You all refuel us & we are so thankful for you.  

Friday, May 1, 2015

Lessons from ALS

Hello May.  The start of ALS awareness month.  This month I will be posting on all of our outlets several different things but I wanted to start this month by shining some light on what ALS has taught me.  

Aside from the devastation of watching Steve struggle with all that ALS brings, it has brought some unexpected astronomically huge positives in our lives & I would like to take the first of this awareness month to express gratitude for some lessons.  

First and foremost, the acceptance of what life presents us.  Acceptance was something I struggled with most of my life.  I would think, "How could this possibly be happening to me?  How unfair..."  However, now my outlook is, well so this is happening, and now I have to face it head on. 

With that came, living in the moment.  The fear of what is happening next is common in life, add being told you will loose your ability to do ANYTHING for yourself, and that will play tricks with your mind.  Thankfully, early on Steve & I chose to change our attention from, "Crap what has Steve lost today,"  to "Gosh I'm so thankful Steve can still do this."  

Almost 2 years ago, we decided we were going to start our days with 5 things we are thankful for.  The beginning was hard.  With all honesty the first 2 months we would just say the same 5 things almost daily.  A shift came, about 2 months into our gratitude's where we began to grow our ability to find beauty in so many situations.  A leaking trache means the infection is leaving his body. A trip to the hospital is an opportunity to share our story and visit with some of our favorite people (our hospital staff).  A night without sleep reminds you of how grateful you are that you slept the other 4 nights of the week, so that you don't feel totally drained.  

By being more in tuned with the world, we then learned the importance of using your energy wisely.  Being home daily may seem dreadful to most, but Steve & I have learned to make every day special & to put our energy to good use.  What used to be cuddles & movies all day everyday switched to working from 8:30-6 M-F then cuddles & movies after.  We have learned new jobs, that fulfill us more than jobs prior to ALS have.  

Everyday we are given is an opportunity to share our light with others in some way, so we open ourselves up to people in every realm we can from social media to face to face visits.  Opening yourself up to other people you find that you will meet some of the best most like minded people that will continue to support, inspire, & fill your life with joy.  You have to be open and clear on what you want & need, ask for it, & then be grateful for when it comes pouring in.

It's a daily choice to wake up, say our gratitude's while we do our morning routines, meditating/praying/exercising, and then to hit the ground running with our list of things we want to accomplish that day.  It's a daily choice to re shift your focus to the positive, to find things to be grateful for, & to open yourself up to the life you want.  One I'm thankful we chose & thankful that we get to experience it everyday we get together.

Remember like the lotus flower you CAN grow in the MUD.  ALS is a struggle, and it's demanding, and takes a tool on not just your motor neurons & health but your soul....which can either be an opportunity to curl up & be defeated or to GROW & blossom to a more beautiful you than you could ever imagine.  

If you can take anything from this month of ALS awareness, not only would I encourage you to speak about ALS, donate to, but also find the beauty in your life.  There is ALWAYS something to be thankful for & the more you seek it the more it will seek you.  

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Hello are you there? Yes. Yes we are. :)

Hey Hey!  I told y'all the blog would be neglected.  I've gotten a huge dent done on my book, so I want to get back to blogging more often again.  I'm sure y'all aren't surprised that a ton has happened since I last wrote, and for those who follow us on here---I owe some updates.

Steve is stable & chubby. :)  Yes I can say this, because I am sure everyone remembers when he weighed 67 lbs right?  Well, now he weighs 130!  Yep.  Determination, positive thinking, prayers, love, good care, & the will to live are powerful & Steve amazes me more daily. 

We've had some frustrating experience with drainage around Steve's trache and the stoma eroding in result.  After a short and unproductive hospital visit it has been determined that because he is stable, his numbers on his vent are all good,& that the stoma doesn't need repaired yet, and I will be doing some wound care to help try to slow down future skin deterioration.  

Aside from that Steve & I have been busy with our passions.  I've launched my website for my malas & paintings & have been enjoying both of my creative outlets. I continue my practice with yoga/meditation which brings me something new and life changing almost daily. Steve is doing trading with the stock market & motivating everyone with his social media use.  Steve also has plans to start writing when he feels up to it some himself.  He is an amazing writer and I look forward to seeing him spread his message more.

The documentary process has moved forward.  As I'm sure y'all know the process of getting things legally sound is a long process, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  So very thankful for the crew and our amazing lawyer for all their hard work.  Also grateful that the wait for us to release the new version of, Hope for Steve, available to buy online & DVD to be soon.  We've been honored to be selected for the Arizona International Film Festival, the New Hope Film Festival, & to have won an international accolade award.  Stay tuned for the re-release soon! 

Well, you have my word you will be hearing from me more often & as usual we love y'all so much & have extreme gratitude for each of you.  

Monday, January 19, 2015

Hello, ground! Good to see you again.

When making goals I always try to focus us on remaining grounded.  There are some days that life is very surreal for us and it's hard not to get cocky; I don't just mean mentally but spiritually as well.  I am often saying, "If we get too far off the ground please bring us back down. "

Right around new years we had some difficulties with Steve's health, he felt so bad one night, I almost called the ambulance. "I'm sorry but I think it's just my time baby, I love you," he kept typing through tears.  This obviously is a phrase I've heard before twice when he did die on me, so it makes me sad and panic.  

Thankfully (so so so very much thankfully) I was able to get Steve back to health and then I had to bring myself back to zen.  I was so off balance so I increased my mediation side of life; which I'm still doing because it's been life changing.  We have had some really great days and great things happen the past week and it's made us float on positive energy.

We've learned that these moments aren't permanent and there is only this very moment so that whenever we feel happy, we do easily need some grounding because let's be honest we like floating.  :)  Not a bad thing as long as we can float while keeping both feet on the ground.   

So today I got some negative feed back on instagram and I had the automatic, "huh well that was mean, who the bla bla bla..."but then I stopped....  

There it was, I asked that if I got a little too off the ground to bring me back.  I'm back and yes for those who worry I'm fine, the comment isn't what the focus was in this and when I was able to see that I was able to shake it off.  

So now I am feeling grounded but full of positive floaty energy.  

Oh but for all intensive purposes, remember that words do matter.  Choose them wisely.  Be nice.  :) 


Friday, January 16, 2015


Coming into the new year Steve & I talked about some new goals we want to accomplish, kind of like we do every new moon, full moon, times we feel stagnant, etc.  We look at where we are in life and what we want different. The things Steve & I want out of this year, and life in general, are going to take work and we developed a plan to help us stay focused and see where we need to grow to stay on task. 

Steve recently has become into day trading, so if that interests you, talk to him about it.  He is eager to learn more and it's been a wonderful way for him to spend his days.  

While Steve is busy trading, he looks at it as a job. We do our morning trache care, breathing treatment, meds, etc, but then Steve is "at work".  He is focused and it motivates me to become so.  While he's working, I have started my own list of adventures.  To start with I had to find where I was spending my time, because I used to always think, "I don't have the time for anything else." After a few days of really being in the moment and paying attention to my time, I saw that although. I always start my day productive with yoga and meditation, afterwards I would find myself spending hours on social media before moving onto another project.  As much as I love y'all on social media----I finally found my time needed to focus on the new things.  

I want to learn Italian, and guitar, and keyboard, and about different stones and there uses, etc. So I'm going to & with the new focus---it can happen.  It will happen. 

I don't want to spend my days looking for little hearts to pop up on my screen I want to fill it with learning, and art, and growth.  I plan to allow myself an hour to catch up on social media as you all are so important to us, I want to keep sharing our journey, and keep in touch with y'all; but I don't want it to consume my day.  

So there you have it.  For those who may wonder--we love you all and you can be happy to know we aren't ignoring anyone---we are making shit happen. :) 

Saturday, January 10, 2015


Words have been flowing out of me faster than I can get them on the paper.  I have been working on a book for over a year.  Now when I say 'working' I mean, I would write maybe once or twice a month the past year.  Obviously, that wasn't going to make me progress.  

I have been reading a few books (bird by bird, brain on fire, writing the bones, & the artist way) and in all of them, they repeatedly say in order to further your path you have to do the art everyday.  So I began drawing daily, painting daily, and yes now writing daily.

Of course some days the words don't want to come as quickly or smoothly but if I sit and set my mind to it I can write, and if I meditate on it prior I can write things that I never actually became aware of in myself before.  I have come to 4 profound self realizations this year alone & it's day 10.  

So there may be few words on my blog for a while, but I feel this book is a priority.  You may see a lot of Facebook posts, as I'm using Facebook to help with accountability.  Y'all know my love/hate relationship with social media.  It sometimes just makes my head ache to think about it and other times I can get some of the best inspiration and encouragement there.  

So yes feel free to ask me about it, and say, "How many pages now?"  It's blown my mind that I reached the point I have and I'm feeling more empowered than I have in a long time.  

I want to thank those closet to me for not allowing me to give up on this project like I almost did.  I am so very very thankful to have so much support in putting myself out there. 

photo Raymond Adams