I find myself in the same spot again. Sitting and thinking, "Okay what now?" The sinking feeling that I haven't done enough yet. Always full of ideas and not enough consistency to finish half of them. Ending up at the same dead end, again and again.
Where did I go wrong?
First there is: comparing.
How ungrateful of me to even think I have a reason to complain about anything. We are provided for enough that I can stay home and take care of Steve. We both get to spend our everyday together, doing creative new projects. We get to hang out with all kinds of amazing people on a fairly regular basis. People care about us, not just because they like our story; but because they actually care.
So how is it that I find myself stuck in the same spot? Because I'm comparing this year to last year. Last year their was the premiere, meeting of lots of cool people, awards, opportunities, articles, news stories; new exciting things around each corner.
This year while we are obviously still living a wonderful life; it isn't as jam packed as last year. However, if I didn't compare this year to last; I wouldn't be upset at all about what kind of an impact we are making, because it IS as large as last years.
Comparing in all realms of life does nothing but lead to trouble. Either you feel an assumed superiority or you feel unnecessary inferiority. Neither being a positive experience. Lesson number 1 STOP COMPARING!
Second there is: Negative Talk.
Not only do I find myself guilty of talking negatively about others or a project I'm working on, but just as equally negatively to myself. It's not going to get me anywhere if I'm bashing my work or things I've worked on or people I've worked with.
Sure, I may have made improvements in this arena, but I still find myself in the cycle then, "Ugh I'm just being negative about it/her/him/it/etc...." To which everyone says, "Don't be so hard on yourself you're human. We all do it."
Well guess what, that "acceptability" is my problem. The fact that I've began to find it so acceptable to negative talk. What a waste of energy. Lesson number 2 Don't accept the negative talk.
Third is: Forgetting to Trust the Process.
Because I study and meditate I have a clear understanding that the world has it's own timing; that you have to truly learn to trust. There are too many examples: Wishing this project I've been working on for 3 years would just be able to be released. To have unrealistic expectations of myself, then being upset when I don't meet them; my book isn't done yet, I haven't been able to draw that face I wanted to yet, or that girls necklace broke, or,....
Reflecting back on this it's clear to see my lack of trust in the process has caused unnecessary negativity to others and myself. Between me having bad feelings towards others for something out of their control to me being upset with myself for not being where I think I "should be."
I'm sharing these behaviors I find myself going back to with you for two reasons.
2. To have you look inside, and see how you may be getting in your own way.
When we find ourselves in these negative spots, we don't seemt o focus on why we are there, we instead focus on, "Oh shit this again." It's not anyone else's fault, it's our own. So, there, I am taking accountability and making a conscious effort to eliminate this negative space.