Friday, May 15, 2015

Different kinds of smiles.

One of the things we hear the most, that make our hearts swell, is that we inspire someone with our choice to face life with a positive attitude.  We put a lot of thought into our lives & how we live them.  It's encouraging when we hear the love and support from you all and it keeps us fueled.  Reminds us why we choose happy even on the darkest of days.  

Here's the truth about life and us.  We do try to choose everyday to be happy.  We believe it's a choice, and we make it every mornings as we are saying our gratitude's while I do Steve's hour morning routine.  It's a slow paced routine as Steve is an adorable sleepy bear and takes a while to get going.  

Some days that idea, of choosing happy, is hard.   Some days life is kicking our ass so much and our over active brains take over, but we still try, even if that means we have to choose it over and over and try to change the day for the positive.  Some days we take lots of photos and share our lives with you----because we are asking for your light to shine in on our darkness.  

You see us when we are drowning but trying to break through with a smile AND you see us when we are shining. We of course share both because like the Eb & Flow of life, you will experience waves, and you have to do whatever you possibly can to stay grounded on that boat. We are so very blessed so even on our grumpiest discouraging days we still remain thankful, that we are so loved & supported, & most importantly that we have each other.

So this month everyday Steve has had a dripping nose.  He's so strong physically and mentally that he makes an effort and choice to remain positive and driven despite.  Image having to have your nose wiped every 20 minutes, to have your nose plugged, to the plugs being forced out by so much drainage, etc, all while not being able to move.  

Steve still wants us to live "our normal" which means, we wake up early in the morning, do our routines, working during the day on our various projects, and enjoy the evenings together while reflecting on all we accomplished that day.  

Some see Steve, and see him as a man just laying in bed all day, bored, weak and suffering.  I'm here to tell you that even on his bad days that's not any where near accurate. 

Steve has his beautiful genuine smile on to greet the day, he says his 5 thankfuls every morning even if it is through tears, he then asks about my day and nudges me to make sure I take some time for myself today, we talk strategy for his day with his stocks, and he then watches stocks, reads the paper, emails with his loved ones, facebooks, interacts with me the 387867 times I'm in and out of the room, we share laughs multiples times a day, share each others accomplishments, I come show him every painting/mala/new yoga pose, and he tells me about his trades he has done.  We then shut down from the busy of the day to curling up to a movie, documentary, show, etc.   

But some days there needs to be a few hours of naps because he's not feeling well, some days we need some extra cuddles because we may be hurting emotionally or physically, and to be frank some days we are just plain old sick of seeing each other so we try to take our own space.  

We plan to always be open about our lives because we truly hope that we can help others create brighter and more positive lives.  We also, some times take our own space, shut down a little, and when we let you in on those days, please know we want you to share your light with us. If even just a little.

Love & light. 

Saturday, May 2, 2015


So I have to say I try to be completely authentic with y'all and sometimes my insecurities get in the way, and I don't share certain things or worry about what people will think.  I used to actually think, "Ha, I don't have any insecurities."  For real, I was that girl.  However, through the past 4 years I have really gotten to know myself & I can see all of my insecurities.  

It's a beautiful thing but a little dreadful.  Because now you have to face these head on if you want to change them.  How daunting right?  So little by little, I have been asking in my meditations to improve in certain areas.  Starting from. 'more patience' to 'not allowing others energy to influence mine.'

Of course, I had to come to the understanding and acceptance that, when asking the universe to help you change something you will then be faced with some hellish things to teach you the lessons you NEED in order to reach that goal.  

So what makes you want to even deal with them, right? 

NO! Not right.

When you reach the point where you start noticing the things as lessons and see yourself not allowing them to trigger you the breakthroughs happen.  Each breakthrough peels another layer of yourself helping you reach your true self.

Because in the end you need to feel peace with yourself, love yourself, be happy with yourself to be happy with ANYTHING else in this world.  So I am taking today to be thankful for some of the frustrations in life and even more so gratitude for some of the beauty life has offered lately.

Because with every eb & flow, the dark seems daunting but at the end of that tunnel awaits you a beautiful beautiful light that heals and empowers you.   Because life is meant to be that beautiful.  

Thank you to everyone for the past 2 days and the beauty, joy, & love you have brought into our lives. You all refuel us & we are so thankful for you.  

Friday, May 1, 2015

Lessons from ALS

Hello May.  The start of ALS awareness month.  This month I will be posting on all of our outlets several different things but I wanted to start this month by shining some light on what ALS has taught me.  

Aside from the devastation of watching Steve struggle with all that ALS brings, it has brought some unexpected astronomically huge positives in our lives & I would like to take the first of this awareness month to express gratitude for some lessons.  

First and foremost, the acceptance of what life presents us.  Acceptance was something I struggled with most of my life.  I would think, "How could this possibly be happening to me?  How unfair..."  However, now my outlook is, well so this is happening, and now I have to face it head on. 

With that came, living in the moment.  The fear of what is happening next is common in life, add being told you will loose your ability to do ANYTHING for yourself, and that will play tricks with your mind.  Thankfully, early on Steve & I chose to change our attention from, "Crap what has Steve lost today,"  to "Gosh I'm so thankful Steve can still do this."  

Almost 2 years ago, we decided we were going to start our days with 5 things we are thankful for.  The beginning was hard.  With all honesty the first 2 months we would just say the same 5 things almost daily.  A shift came, about 2 months into our gratitude's where we began to grow our ability to find beauty in so many situations.  A leaking trache means the infection is leaving his body. A trip to the hospital is an opportunity to share our story and visit with some of our favorite people (our hospital staff).  A night without sleep reminds you of how grateful you are that you slept the other 4 nights of the week, so that you don't feel totally drained.  

By being more in tuned with the world, we then learned the importance of using your energy wisely.  Being home daily may seem dreadful to most, but Steve & I have learned to make every day special & to put our energy to good use.  What used to be cuddles & movies all day everyday switched to working from 8:30-6 M-F then cuddles & movies after.  We have learned new jobs, that fulfill us more than jobs prior to ALS have.  

Everyday we are given is an opportunity to share our light with others in some way, so we open ourselves up to people in every realm we can from social media to face to face visits.  Opening yourself up to other people you find that you will meet some of the best most like minded people that will continue to support, inspire, & fill your life with joy.  You have to be open and clear on what you want & need, ask for it, & then be grateful for when it comes pouring in.

It's a daily choice to wake up, say our gratitude's while we do our morning routines, meditating/praying/exercising, and then to hit the ground running with our list of things we want to accomplish that day.  It's a daily choice to re shift your focus to the positive, to find things to be grateful for, & to open yourself up to the life you want.  One I'm thankful we chose & thankful that we get to experience it everyday we get together.

Remember like the lotus flower you CAN grow in the MUD.  ALS is a struggle, and it's demanding, and takes a tool on not just your motor neurons & health but your soul....which can either be an opportunity to curl up & be defeated or to GROW & blossom to a more beautiful you than you could ever imagine.  

If you can take anything from this month of ALS awareness, not only would I encourage you to speak about ALS, donate to, but also find the beauty in your life.  There is ALWAYS something to be thankful for & the more you seek it the more it will seek you.