So something is coming to a head these past few days, that has given me some serious clarity. For more time than I can remember, truthfully, I would get deeply offended by people offering me unsolicited advice. It was an interesting automatic response that I would then fight myself over. How could I get mad at someone for offering me knowledge?
Especially some of the people, being so knowledgeable, how is it okay for me to be put off by them? I would often try to hide my inner annoyance but I'm not very good at the whole fake it til you make it thing. I'm pretty transparent for the most part, so a lot of people offering me good wisdom, were then put off by my resistance to hear them.
I didn't truly understand it or actually try to for a long time. Suddenly yesterday it was like the clouds parted and the sun came out, I finally had an understanding as to why it's bothered me for so long. For a long time I have perceived myself as incapable of a lot of things; but mostly I saw myself as a lost girl who will never be able to comprehend it all.
Because I was perceiving myself this way, I felt like everyone else was too. Were these people actually seeing me this way? I'll probably never really know that, and that's not even important. It's how I perceive it, and why do I?
In the past 5 years I've barely given myself the space to absorb it all. All the stretching, growing, learning, etc. I wonder how many of us do this to ourselves? Get so caught in life without actually giving ourselves the space to understand it.
What do I mean by space?
Taking time, where you shut out the noise around you, and listen to yourself. Turn off the TV, disconnect from the internet, don't talk to others about what's going on, etc. Yesterday I wrote for hours, pouring the words out on to the pages, and as they came flowing out so did so many answers.
There's lots to process, but to start with I'm going to work on how I perceive myself. Because the truth is that's what rules the rest of it. If I see myself as incapable, how am I ever going to be capable?
Guess what?! I AM capable. I AM intelligent. I AM in charge of my truth. MY truth.
Anyone needing space to process anything?
If so, take it. Don't wait. I obviously am doing it on my terms, so can you. I'm still here for Steve, and he's in my space; and that's okay. You can make your situation work for you, as long as you want it to.