I received some sweet messages after yesterdays blog, about people worrying if I'm being too hard on myself.
First off, thank you for caring for me like that. It's surreal sometimes to feel so much love and support from so many people. I'm so so thankful for all of you and the constant flow of goodness you send to me.
So am I being too hard on myself?
The answer is 100% no. You want to know how I know this? Because for a few years I went from being way too hard on myself about EVERYTHING and then slingshot to the other side of the spectrum for a few years I was way too easy on myself.
I understand I am human, in a pretty difficult situation; watching anyone you love suffer, is awful. There's no sugar coating it, it's one of the most difficult situations I will do.
However, being in this position for close to 5 years now, I see how I've been given many beautiful gifts; one of those being the gift of empowerment, and the ability to see exactly what I am capable of. I know what kind of an impact I can make on this world, but only if I am doing the work. If I'm floating around sort of lost in the clouds, how can I reach those needing to hear from me.
I have work to do and it's time I hold myself accountable. I've learned that no one else will do it for me. Because, it's not their job to, it's mine. So that's what yesterday was.
I will still strive for some me time everyday, it will just be spent doing more productive and mindful things. Yesterdays blog was to recognize the ease to get lost in my news feed, that half of it doesn't serve me. It was an admission that I wasn't fully practicing what I preach, with living in the present. It was a statement to myself and the universe that I am aware of the mindless nonsense and I will work through it.
Will it happen over night? Of course not, because I still rely heavily on social media to get our story to others, to have connection with those caregivers scattered across the world going through a very similar situation as me, to keep up with my beautiful friends and family, to sell whatever creation I muster up that day, etc.
However, it's on me if I haven't gotten anything done with my day because the 300 Steve related "distractions" that happen in any given day is enough for my brain. Add social media, and I'll spend a whole day, going from Steve needing me every 30 minutes, to walking around aimlessly in between not able to focus because my phones in my hand and the other hands scrolling.
I don't like to use the word distraction above with Steve, however I can't think of another way to explain it. So let me put this here for those who don't already know. I will always happily drop whatever I'm doing to go to Steve when he needs me. Caregiver is my #1 hat. All the rest is bonus. The point is, because Steve needs me so frequently, some days, I don't NEED any distractions. I NEED to be spending my time that I'm not with Steve doing something that grounds me, or brings me joy. Not wasting it mindlessly.
I've realized how important what I ingest food/beverage wise is to my body and health in dramatic ways the past year, and I've learned the same with my eyes and ears. It's just as important and I am going to be mindful of what I intake.
To be the best me, it takes a constant awareness. It's not being hard on myself. It's holding myself accountable to reach my highest potential. It's an understanding of how much I can be doing in the world when I'm grounded, balanced, and focused. So here I go off on another day of practicing mindful living. Practice, practice, practice.
I love you all. xo