Friday, October 7, 2016
If you do something out of duty it will drain you, if you do something out of love it will energize you.
These past 3 weeks, I've been reshaping, refocusing, refueling, & rearranging; lots and lots of rearranging. Rearranging of habits, thoughts, & of course the house. Now I'm here to resurface. I won't lie, while yes I did miss feeling connected to all of you, it was nice to just be in our world for a bit. I was genuinely clueless about a lot of things, because it wasn't just a social media break, but more of one from anything extra.
I really needed to wrap my head around all the happenings here, and I couldn't do that with focusing on any other happening.
I will say, the lessons from these three weeks are more profound than one blog will suffice, and of course I have lots of fun things to share; but first my most profound lesson.
If you know me at all, you know that while people just assume I'm naturally a really good person, because I chose love and didn't abandon Steve; the truth is, I am a normal person, working non stop to be the best version of myself that I can be. I know how very capable I am of being a good person, but that doesn't make the shadow disappear.
All this time, I thought, if I could just reach to that really good, kind, patient girl; the dark, inpatient, quick to reaction, sassy one will just go away. That's not really how this works. It just doesn't go away, so it takes a practice everyday to be the person, I know I can be. Realizing more clearly now after these three weeks, that my practice and routine, is really the fuel to be that person I aim to be.
I had to change, and create consistency. Of course, it takes longer than 3 weeks to really lock in consistent habits & healthy routines; but the beginning is the hard part. I really needed to clear the space of anything extra, to really get clarity on what needed to stay, and what needed to go.
For several months, I would often find myself feeling horrible after snapping at someone new each day, for them wasting my time. I couldn't get anything done, and thought it was everyone taking so much from me; more like me just handing it out like some sort of sample lady at whole foods. My understanding on how to use time, was making everything feel like an obligation, like everything/everyone needed too much from me, and I was feeling drained. Instead of having focus, and routines through the day, I was just trying to tackle live's problems in whole daily, and as I would fail I would feel the pile up on me.
Stepping back, clearing space, & rearranging I now see that when I see things from love, it's energizing instead of draining; and suddenly I'm able to to have the time and energy to do all I set out for. I see now if I have clear goals, a consistent practice, and consistent routines through the day, that mindset of love comes naturally. If I just sleep in that day to miss meditation, or decide to spend my afternoon facebook stalking instead of keeping my writing or creating dates; there's no one to blame but myself.
Understanding me and what makes me react, pause, act, etc; is the only path to reaching my highest potential. The more I go in, the more light i'll shine out. With everything going on in the world from elections, to unjust treatments of others, violence, killings, hurricanes, etc; it's more important now than ever, that I remain grounded so I don't allow it to swoop me up in it's current. I can't help anyone being tossed around by everything, I can only help with both feet firmly on the ground, with love leading, not duty.
Ok now to something exciting :).
Well, aside from lots as usual, I had a dear and talented friend, Laurie Moletta, come take some photos of a day in the life of Hope & Steve, and while she was here I mentioned wanting to update Hopie Hippie :) & seeing as she's who fancied up Hopeforsteve, she said, "I'd love to help you." On the freshly madeover page you'll see some new listings; I've been making as often as I can squeeze it in for that and Steve's Drive show happening October 15th. 7 PM 658 Angier Ave Unit C.
It's nice to be back, I came back a few days early because I really wanted to track all of the people I know in Hurricane Matthew's path, and put some intention into helping anyway I can from here. Love you all, and thanks for supporting us!