I often am only writing updates on what is going on with Steve & me, but I have so many other thoughts floating around in my head. I've been journaling since I was a kid because I always have so many different thoughts that I want to write down. Sometimes it's too much to organize into a blog & sometimes there is no time to do so. However, Steve has been encouraging me "this year" to remember to make time for myself. I obviously will drop whatever extra I am doing if Steve needs me, but he's encouraged me to dig deeper into my yoga practice, studying/reading, & writing. Another amazing thing to me is to have the most supportive husband, ever. He has my back in every situation and inspires me to go follow my dreams & passions.
Since becoming more devoted to my yoga practice I have discovered a lot about myself. One thing I knew but not the the same extent, was that I need to be challenged & busy. Idle time is my enemy. With idle time I have time to do negative thinking. Since, Steve has been home yes he does require a lot of my assistance but there is also more down time than I am used to. Before, our down time would be focused on traveling or planning for trips or simply going out & doing anything. Now that it is so difficult on Steve we spend most of our time at home. We do still try to plan monthly outings, but we have a lot more down time now. Yoga has reminded me that when I'm challenging myself I am more happy and full of love.
I try to show everyone love, but I am human, and I have my "diva" moments.
I could chose to look at myself as somewhat impatient, spoiled, a bit selfish, sometimes potty mouth, likes to sleep & repeat myself too much, loud girl OR I could say I'm a loving, caring, compassionate, determined, fun loving, adventurous, strong girl. It is really a choice in how I look at myself & it is MY choice. Like I said I'm human and I have short comings, and I have spent most of my life trying to be extremely self aware of my strengths & weaknesses to continually try to work on myself. I have a bit of a love affair with self improvement. Probably explains my drive to have gotten my masters in clinical psychology. I am reminded with my practice that I can sometimes be too hard on myself and that it really makes a difference in my day if I show myself more love.
We aren't perfect, no one is, & we shouldn't think we have to be. It' through our mistakes, our short comings, & our fall backs that we learn more about ourselves & the world. I wouldn't be the person I am today without a lifetime of mistakes & learning experiences. It's your choice what to do with a mistake. You can either let it stop you and destroy you or you can let it motivate you & teach you. The more you focus on loving yourself the more you will learn from your mistakes.
The more I surround myself with positive, loving, motivated people/things the more the earth reveals positivity & love. It's a beautiful reminder when I have a few days with so so much love in one that life is more beautiful with love. Yes, people may still bother me, bad things may still happen, & I may still have some selfish and impatient moments, but I am more good, I am more peace, & more importantly I am more love. The more I continue to pursue a path of love & peace the more I will find love & peace.
I'm humbled and inspired by all these thoughts floating around & wanted to share. In other news, here are some things going on with Steve & I. :)
Our kickstarter for our documentary was funded by y'all in 15 days! Amazing & overwhelming. It's such a huge blessing to have all of you support us in this journey. This documentary means so much to us for so many obvious reasons. Just a few are; awareness for ALS, pride in our story, sharing of love, & the hopefully inspire those facing difficult times to continue to fight. The kickstarter is still open for donations until Valentines day. :) Our amazing film team said all the extra money will be put into making the best documentary they can make. Steve & I are so excited to share it with everyone!
Steve was taken off antibiotics this month for a little as the doctor wanted to determine if they were helping keep him stable & stated that the infection has colonized and that Steve will always have it. He wanted to determine if his body was able to "handle" the infection without the antibiotic. I already monitor Steve closely (his secretions color, consistency, scent/tempter/all vitals/etc) but monitored him extra close the week he was off. I started Steve back on antibiotics, the night I suctioned a mucus plug out of him, and called the doctor the next morning. He was then placed back on antibiotics and is showing more signs of stability again. Thanks for those who prayed and sent good vibes for his health & we always ask they continue!
Steve's Drive Project has been going great & we recently updated the website with some new paintings. Seeing Steve work on these paintings brings all those involved so much joy & to see you all want his paintings & to see pictures of them hanging makes us all & especially Steve overjoyed.
Thank you all so much for the constant support.