Friday, September 9, 2016

If you don't like my fire...(passionate one this time, not the green kind)

Had some laptop troubles this week, so the blog was on pause, but I'm back. :)

So, today I'm here to stir up some controversy to make up for my missed time.  

I had a boyfriend once, who had me convinced my purpose in life was to attend classes, come home clean/cook/ and wait for him to come home.  I lost most of my friends and most of myself to this guy. Suddenly one day, someone asked me to model for them, thus introducing me to new people.  I started modeling while finishing grad school, which lead me to new people reminding me that I have actual feelings, emotions, and imagine this, opinions.  

A few months into my new life, I watched a documentary that made all kinds of things click for me, that made me decide to be a vegetarian.  One day I brought this boyfriend to a party, and someone asked me about my new decision to not eat meat.  After I very thoughtfully explained my choice, he suggested it was time to leave.  On the way home he said, "You know you're much prettier, when you stand and smile, instead of speaking your mind so loudly."  

Of course, I smiled, and shut up like the good little girl I was at the time.  Thankfully this boyfriend did me the best favor of all time, and broke up with me shortly after.  Albeit in the worst way possible, but I was then sent on my way to find my voice again. I wish I could say I immediately regained my spine quickly, but it took several years for me to do so. From where I sit today, I will never allow someone to take away my voice again.  

This (past 5) year(s) I have had several people suggest things to me like, "You shouldn't be so vocal about causes when you're trying to push your own cause." "Maybe you should tone down the activism, people will stop following you." or the ever so common, "Maybe if you weren't lecturing me with this, I would hear what you're saying."  Another favorite, "You would be more successful if you chose 1 passion, and stuck with it."  "You care about too many things." 

Let me start this by saying, I'm forever grateful for a man like Steve to be on this journey with.  When we decided to share our story so vocally we also decided to share ourselves.  OUR REAL selves. Not only is Steve on board with me sharing myself, he is constantly reminding me not to loose myself in the midst of care-giving life.  This man is the ideal partner in a world where strong women are often silenced. Real men, really do empower women.  There will never be a time where Steve and I will remain quiet on something we feel passionate about because we might loose followers.  It's not the tribe we are trying to build here. 

On to the lecture comment, that if you saw a post I made this morning: I spoke on this happening twice this week alone.  That's just this week.  I've been told maybe a hundred times the past 5 years, the because I am strongly speaking out about something I believe in, it sounds like I'm lecturing everybody.  To me, I consider this statement to be insulting.  Now I know I'm perceiving it this way, much like those offended by my posts are perceiving my words as a lecture, and it's not always intended this way but I want to speak on this.  I've seen this phrase used to remind women, "You should be gentle, soft spoken, and tread lightly."  I'm here to say, women please roar; scream, shout, curse, speak as loudly and as passionately as you want.  Never let someone convince you that your passion, is too much.  If it is for them, that's not your fault.  They can simply choose not to read your posts.  It's that simple.  I will never allow someone else to silence me again, and I hope that every female reading this feels empowered to live the same.   

Last but not least; PEOPLE there is no such thing as too many passions or caring too much.  Please stop insulting my intelligence by thinking my mind is too little to hold all my many passions.  Maybe I don't want your definition of success for my life anyways.  Someone telling me I'm too passionate in my mind means, "Hope I think I know what your time is better used for."  Honey, no you don't.  

I beg of everyone reading this, two things.:
A. If someone is too much for you, simply remove them from your feed/life/whatever you have to do.  DO NOT TRY TO PUT OUT THEIR DAMN FIRE.
B. IF someone's trying to put out your fire, tell them to kindly move along, to somewhere far away from you.  

3 comments:

  1. I love how passionate you guys are, I love that you are advocating for the things you believe in! That draws me in, not drives me away!

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  2. Hey guys my wife and I have been married for 15 years. For over five years I have been dealing with jealousy issues because of flirting and her having emotional type affairs with other men. I felt like my masculinity was in question and if I said the way she was acting bothered me, it seemed to make matters worse or I was accused of being controling. During this period I did state I wanted a divorce if the behavior was not going to end: texting men a night, leaving for the weekend without letting me know where she was going or not responding to messages. We do have a son and basically it's been him and I for the last year on the weekends. She disconnected completely from being a good wife and mother. In April she said she wanted a separation and I said no we need to get into marriage counseling. We did try that, but she was not very responsive and didn't give any effort. Afterward she was adamant about separation and divorce. I continued to say no and that we needed to save our family. She presented a separation agreement and I had to hire a lawyer. Because of the above behavior my lawyer suggested a private investigator. The investigator discovered my wife was having an affair with a close friend of the family who also is married with children. We know the extended families. I feel like I should tell this man's wife about what happened. This adultery has devastated me emotionally, I feel betrayed and I'm physically drained. I know my wife is passionate in terms of her sexuality, and I can't get the thought of them out of my head. It makes me question my own manhood, and I feel very inferior or that he must be a better lover or what ever. The problem is my wife pursued him. She would go to him and she lured him into this adultery. I felt this was coming for some time and could not stop it. She was not only lying to me but also to our son about what she was doing and where she was going. My family is important, my son loves her and as crazy as it sounds so do I. Can you respond with a course of action on how to proceed? I was still have a very huge place in my heart for her. so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Ahmed can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a spell for me. 28 hours later, my wife came to me and apologized for the wrongs she did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I, my son and my wife are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr Ahmed. as it is a place to resolve marriage/relationship issues, do you want to be sure if your spouse is being faithful to you or Do you want your Ex to come back to you Contact.: E-mail: Ahmedutimate@gmail.com or call/Whats-app: +2348160153829 save your crumbling home and change of grades its 100% safe. I suggest you contact him. He will not disappoint you.

    David L. Ollis, 43yrs, UK

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