Friday, October 9, 2015

Be YOU, warrior people

In college my nickname was Red, as in Red Forman from that 70s show, because I wasn't one to keep quiet if I disagreed with you.  I also was quick to call people dumb ass.  Of course, it was meant with love ;) Another nickname was Sass mouth.  Because I would always have an opinion; and often voiced it loudly.  Those that knew me understood it and loved it.

I lost the sassy side of me when I lost myself for 5 years!  I only found myself again when Steve & I started dating.  I became so ashamed of my voice, my ability to be strong and stand up for myself, my "I will take no shit"; that I hid that quality.

My sassy came back as Anger for a while, as I was suppressing my inner warrior woman; and when she came out she did in the wrong form, because I was still ashamed of her.  Instead of speaking up when things bothered me, I would keep quiet and try to just deal with it internally like I always have. On top of that, dealing with being a wife and caregiver, until I would just blow up one day because it all hit me at once.

Learning to speak up when I'm angry instead of holding it in, has helped me turn my crazy back to my strong sassy self.  It wasn't easy to realize how I was harming myself by not allowing my voice to come through, it also wasn't easy to allow that back.  Trying to get rid of the anger, I fooled myself to believe it meant I had to get rid of my passion towards life.  What life is there without passion?  Let me tell you from experience; not much!

I get told these days I'm overly passionate.  I call BS on that.  No such thing!  Passion is good, more passion is better.  I didn't feel anything when I let go of my passion and hid my inner sassy. I didn't feel anger, joy, or even have an intuition left.  I was a doormat who was missing out on all the beautiful feelings life has to offer (even the negative ones).  So learning that anger feeling coming in isn't bad; it's a feeling.  It's there to remind me to stand up for what I believe in/myself/others/etc.  Learning to allow the feeling to be there helps you learn to express them in healthier ways.

It feels amazing to be your true authentic self.  The good, the bad, the hidden away gems, the old rooted inherited quirks; all the beautiful rawness that makes up you.  Often we say we are living authentic lives but are hiding the not so flattering parts of our personalities.

Instead of looking at my strong opinion and voice as a negative quality; I see the beauty in it.  As Nahko Bear so eloquently puts it in his song, Warrior People,
 "Well, I will learn to be peaceful
But I keep a knife at my side
And I will pray for compassion
But if war comes to my door, you know I will be blastin

Warrior mentality my responsibility.
.......................................................
Warrior, Warrior people
Makin' the best of peace with the strength of an eagle" 


What quality are you hiding away?  Own in.  Find the beauty in it.  Most importantly, BE YOU!  

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