When I am too focused on my to do list, as it's usually enough to fill an entire week for one day, I find myself on edge. Constantly feeling pressure like there's not enough time in the day. Feeling like I can't keep up. I will experience anxiety, I will snap on you if you interrupt me (sorry Steve), and all in all I am not really that productive. Most of my energy is spent worrying about the next 5 things I need to do that I'm not able to do the thing I'm working on very well.
The other 70% of my life when I'm truly in the moment, I'm patient, focused, in the flow, happy, fun, loving, compassionate, all good adjectives, etc... Ever notice when you are truly living and feeling the present moment how all of a sudden you are overwhelmed with gratitude and peace. It's a wonderful feeling.
Staying in the moment takes practice. I have to work on it everyday. It takes being aware of your mindset. Even yesterday, trying to get my listing done, I found myself sighing and huffing when I would be interrupted by Steve. Mostly everyone that follows us often looks at me as an angel, which is encouraging. :) However, the truth is I'm human like everyone else, and I have to catch myself.
Meditation has taught me a trick to come back to the moment. If I start to notice the extra jittery Hope kicking in, I stop what I'm doing, and take just 5 minutes to sit in silence. When it's nice outside I especially like to do it outside. Sometimes I'll do it with Steve, if I'm getting impatient with him, so he can see me take the effort to come back to the moment.
I love taking care of Steve, he IS my number 1 priority, and I love it even more when I'm really there in that moment enjoying his presence and laughing with him while we are doing one of the hundreds of things we do in a day for his care. He deserves me, being me, there with him. Not the me, with my mind on the 100 things I may or may not get to that day.
How often are you living in the list mode vs the present? Are you aware of it? If you find yourself feeling that weight of your to do list, take a break, and allow yourself to focus on THIS VERY moment, because the reality is that's all there is. It's all that matters. Is this moment.
This! All this! I am the same exact way. And I feel guilty when I am not the calm, peaceful person I want to be and that people sometimes see me as. Truth is, yes, I am a peaceful person..with anxiety! And I can get so lost in the to-do list that I forget to live! Or to get outside! It is a conscious choice to constantly train yourself to bring yourself back into the moment of what is. And to keep the to-do list from being the only life we are living. Thank you for this; it is a reminder that we are ALL human and are all a constant work in progress :) love you!
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